Dealing With the Loss of A Parent
From the Desk of RD
The Reality of Grief – Dealing With the Loss of A Parent
Losing a parent is deeply traumatizing, and no one is ever fully prepared for it. While we grow up knowing that one day our parents will no longer be with us, facing that reality is still incredibly difficult. The bond between a parent and child is unique, especially when it’s a loving relationship. When that source of love is gone, the grief can be overwhelming, knowing that you can never feel that connection again.
I was fortunate to have both my parents live long, fulfilling lives—my dad until he was 95 and my mom until she was almost 91—but their loss was and still is profoundly difficult.
For those who still have their elderly parents with them, cherish every moment. Elderly people can be challenging as they start repeating themselves, becoming demanding, or showing signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s. Trust me when I say you will miss these “annoying” quirks when they are gone. I still crave for Mom’s repeated comments.
Despite missing my parents dearly, I am thankful I took the time to visit and be with them. My dad passed away in my arms, and I am extremely grateful to the Almighty for giving me that chance to be there. Considering it takes 28 hours to travel from California to Kenya, I made several trips to be with him. The long chats we had, recalling his achievements and life, are memorable. Although devastated when he took his last breath, I was at peace knowing he no longer had to suffer.
The same goes for my mom. I made several trips to be with her and even brought her here to meet the family last year. In January this year, I had a gut instinct that I needed to see her. Despite my health and work commitments, I got on a plane and traveled across the globe. The last time I hugged her was on February 14, 2024, and she passed away on May 23, 2024. I am at peace knowing I spent quality time with her before she left us.
In this country, we often get so wrapped up in work and our own lives that we keep postponing things to “tomorrow.” Make it a point to visit your elderly parents as soon as you can because that could be the last time. Grieving never becomes easier, but you will have peace within yourself, knowing you had the chance to be with them. I talk to people who hadn’t seen their parents for years, and they live with regret that they didn’t make the time.
Each loss is different, and each story is unique, but the pain is the same. When you lose both your parents, your world feels completely empty, and waves of sorrow will hit you at different times. Celebrate them with memories of things you did together or that were unique to them. I love making Mom’s bread pudding and writing poems for my dad, which he encouraged me to start when I was eight years old. Raise your children to find the time to spend with you too so that one day they appreciate you as well.
