Leave Me Alone to Grieve

From the Desk of RD

The Reality of Grief – Leave Me Alone to Grieve

How many of you feel the need to shut the world out and find that silence where you can simply figure out all the “why” and “what” questions? How many of you grieving want to scream, “Leave me alone to grieve”!

Part of the grieving process involves solitude to slow down, and in that stillness of being alone, you try to understand the trauma, the feelings of loneliness, and how to cultivate a new normal. When you lose a loved one, your entire world collapses. The sense of being alone hits hard, and the void that can never be replaced makes no sense. In their efforts to help, sometimes family and friends say the wrong things, which can be hurtful despite their best intentions. This is when many will withdraw into a shell of their world, as the world outside does not comprehend the pain.

We have to remember that the world will not stop to grieve with us. This is why we feel isolated and alone—because the loss is unique only to us. When grief hits, you feel like everything stops. You try to be strong, but you are vulnerable. You try to be resilient, but the weakness takes over your body. Being alone sometimes helps you express your emotions to yourself and your inner consciousness. It is natural to turn toward yourself for support when you are torn apart.

Friends and family will be concerned if you say “leave me alone,” as they do not realize the necessity of this alone time. As I grieve the loss of my parents and husband in a span of 20 months, I find that sitting alone allows me to surrender to my wounds.

By shutting out the world for a while, I am trying to accept the loss, and create space for a new normal in my life. I express my anger towards my loss, toward God, toward the reasons that caused the loss. Even though I know my anger will not change anything, letting the anger out in my silent world is a relief. Once I do that, I feel I will be able to allow the world back into my life.