Denial – “The Final Goodbye”
From the Desk of RD
The Reality of Grief
Denial “The Final Goodbye”
Intellectually, we all know and understand that no one lives forever. But when we are actually faced with the loss of a loved one, we forget that death is inevitable and begin to question it. Many of us then grieve silently in pain, too embarrassed to share our feelings and emotions. These emotions bottle up within us and sometimes explode like a dormant volcano.
Having lost three pillars of my life, two of them recently within a period of three weeks (April 18, 2024 – May 23, 2024), I have chosen to share my feelings of grief openly. I know that there are many other hearts suffering like me putting on that daily “fake smile,”
I have brought us all together as Embracing Grief Companions. not because I claim to be an expert in grief, but because I believe that when like-minded hearts beats come together, we can slowly bring some life back into our lifeless bodies.
One does not have to be a blood-related family member to experience profound loss. The loss of close friends, co-workers, and pets can have the same devastating impact. Nothing in life can prepare you for death. Yet, when we suffer loss, society often starts saying things that do not help your trauma: “They had to go; It was their time; Be strong; Try not to cry in front of your children,” and so on. These are the worst most obvious statements to hear but they are verbalized in compassion as those who have not experienced sudden loss rarely know what to say. It would be like a woman who has never experienced childbirth delivering expertise advice to a pregnant mother.
How can you be strong? How can you not cry in front of your children? How can you accept it was their time to go when you had so many plans of living life together?
Even if the loved one was terminally ill, no one quite prepares for that final goodbye. After all, we live life as the fairy tale myth of “forever.” This word, “forever,” implies permanence, leading us to believe that relationships are everlasting. The first step in grief is denial—denial of the final goodbye. This denial can last for days, weeks, or even months. How does one overcome denial and move to acceptance?
I encourage our Embracing Grief Companions to share your personal journey if you have managed to move on from denial to acceptance, to help those struggling at the step of denial.
