Embrace the Holidays

From the Desk of RD

The Reality of Grief – Embrace the Holidays With His Memories

Holidays are generally a time of great joy for many, but for widows and families who are grieving, they can be the worst days ever. Since Gill passed away on April 18, 2024, I have had to experience three major holidays without him now: Memorial Day, Juneteenth, and now July 4th. Calling these times “challenging” would be an understatement. We may not have been out traveling the world, but even simple activities like planning a movie day, visiting the grandchildren or cooking up a storm on the barbecue were exciting events with him.
The pain intensifies as you realize you are alone and must figure out how to keep busy.

Instead of moping and getting more depressed, perhaps we should not celebrate the holiday in the traditional way and do something different. Many of us want to brood at home, feeling guilty if we call a friend and ask to come over thinking we are infringing on their time.
Express your pain openly to those who understand. If you have been invited somewhere, do not feel guilty about going; it is perfectly okay to get out for a change of scenery.

Unfortunately, society often dictates that widows must mourn indefinitely. Going out a little does not mean you have stopped grieving; you will never stop grieving. You just need something to distract you a little and numb that deep pain.

We are all going to miss our husbands, and these holidays are going to hurt deeply. Instead, remember him with memories and smiles. I have placed Gill’s picture where I can see it from every angle: the kitchen, as I head to work, and as anyone enters the house. I acknowledge his presence all the time. I talk to him and continue to feel him in the house.

Remind yourself that you are in pain because you were blessed with a husband who loved you so much, and your pain is simply a reflection of his love. Enjoy your day without feeling guilty because that is what he would have wanted.

I ask myself, “What would Gill have wanted you to do?” Knowing how he used to think, he would have said, “Rennu, go out and celebrate my life because you still need to live for yourself and the family. Be the Rennu I married who was independent and confident.”